Portland, Day 7

You guys. I have finally figured out who fat Moose reminds me of. Spanky. The OG Spanky.

Evil laugh and all, yeeeeeup.

Those boys, though. They were up with the sun and ready to party. And gorge themselves on a massive breakfast buffet.

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We hit the buffet, then hit the road. Time to find some shopping, baby.

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(For the record: I am not sure why I want to include a random photo from the parking lot of our cheapish hotel, other than to revel in the fact that it is just SO GREEN EVERYWHERE IN OREGON EVEN IN THE PARKING LOT OF A CHEAPISH HOTEL okay I am done I swears.)

ANYWAY. We drove off to North Portland, parked, and started walking. Remember how we wanted to go to a John Gorham restaurant? Well, today was to be the day. Portlanders are serious, like DEAD SERIOUS about brunch, so we put our names on a (long, loooong) list at Tasty n Sons and then decided to start exploring. They’d text when our table was ready and estimated 90-120 minutes, so we had plenty o’ time to play. And thankfully, lots to see in this neighborhood.

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Once we found HUB, it was all over. Scott actually wanted to visit this spot, and we accidentally stumbled upon it, which was pretty darn awesome. As per usual for Portland brewpubs: they had a nice little play area for the kiddos, so while Scott and I sat and enjoyed a glass o’ suds the kids played. I love Portland. Love. LOVE.

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After Beer Thirty we did more shopping.

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And then, we got the call. Time for brunch. That means french fry time, biatches.

Poor Linus was a wee bit impatient.

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It was all so, sooooo good. And our kids were absolute angels, and you wanna know why? Wanna know the secret to well-behaved children in nice restaurants? Well I will tell you the secret. It’s all on the restaurant. Every single time we have taken our kids to a nice restaurant where the staff is well equipped to handle kids, they are sweet little perfectly-behaved angels. It is not that we have exceptionally well-mannered children, they are indeed normal and can be especially annoying like any other set of kids. But when the hostess and wait staff is friendly and accommodating to them? They are on their best behavior. So take note, fancy restaurants of the world! Be good to kids and they will be good to you too.

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We got the world famous bacon-wrapped dates, the chocolate donuts, a side of fries and the steak n’ eggs and the Moroccan chicken hash. And then we rolled ourselves on out of that place.

Time to walk off all that brunch. And what better place than Washington Park? We drove, parked, then took the Metro bus up to the Chinese Gardens.

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Which we promptly decided was waaaaaay too expensive for our tastes, at $9 per person regardless of age.

Off to the International Rose Garden for us, which was free gloriously FREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

(It was free.)

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After Rose Time, we stumbled upon a play area. YAYYYYY!, say the children! Linus and Scott lounged in the grass while Pete and I tore up the playground.

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Remember, now: we took the bus. Which means we had to catch a bus back to our car. And the last bus for the day was soon approaching… We still hung our like morons and took goofy “10 month” photos of Linus, until we literally heard the bus brakes nearby, then we snatched up the baby and I ripped the “10” off the shrubs and all four of us sprinted for the last bus of the day, hoping to make it in time so we weren’t stuck walking the 2 miles back to the car.

Spoiler: we made the bus. Barely. And then when the bus driver learned we lived in WI, he made a crack about WI cheese sucking compared to Tillamok. We smiled nicely and nodded like good Midwesterners, even while the rest of the bus did the whole “OOOOOOOOOO BURNNNNNNNN!” thang. We know better. It’s all right, y’all. We know who the real winner is.

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It was about this point that Pete realized, quite dramatically, that he left his beloved new Slobbertooth “somewhere”. I mean, you know. “Somewhere.”. When pressed, he could only remember that he had taken him into the car that morning. But, oh! Make no mistake, this was a Major Calamity.

He sobbed and sobbed very dramatically into his little hands, crying out for Slobbertooth, all the way from the bus to the car, and then I got on the phone and by some miracle: located that damn thing. Back at HUB. They promised to hold him, so we stopped for celebratory libations at the next place we saw. Which happened to be Migration Brewing.

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(FYI: there is no reason for this gif other than it is really weird and I am not sure what is going on, exactly.)

Whatever. And lookeeee guys, we found a Society of Beer Travelers sticker while there!

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After that we calmly made our way back to HUB, where we had a night cap and dinner and found our dear old friend (of a whole day), Slobber-Tooth.

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And that about sums things up. Peace out and all that shizz, back to Hooter-ville for us; will see you soon for that last day in PDX. We miss you still, you lovely green beer-loving state.

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